Friday, July 20, 2012

Your house Beliefs and Attitudes influence You Today: studying to Embrace Them or Replace Them

California Counseling - Your house Beliefs and Attitudes influence You Today: studying to Embrace Them or Replace Them
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We are imprinted, indeed and negatively, by the beliefs, attitudes, values and behaviors of those in our families.

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How is Your house Beliefs and Attitudes influence You Today: studying to Embrace Them or Replace Them

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For thousands of years citizen have passed along their wisdom and knowledge and built on the past and moved send into the future telling each other stories.

Storytelling helps us make sense of our early life and house life, and often provides critical clues about the values, behaviors, attitudes and beliefs that we have embraced and live by, or have rejected and replaced.

Part of studying to tell and write our stories, is recognizing the themes and patterns of house beliefs, attitudes, values and behaviors.

Does your house have a mythology about children, elders, illness, money, expressing emotion, career etc., to which everybody subscribes?

When I introduce the idea of identifying themes and patterns, I oftentimes offer examples that may spark your reasoning and awareness.

In my friend Diane's house one basal theme is children are dispensable or disposable. consider these stories:

1. When Diane's maternal grandfather was 3 years old he, his mother, father, and six older siblings escaped the Pogroms in Prussia in a hay wagon and came to the United States by ship. His mother died aboard ship from unknown causes. When they arrived in New York, his father kept the two girls with him, sent the four brothers to live with three uncles and placed Diane's grandfather in an orphanage because no one was able to take one more child into their home.

2. At age 13, Diane's father and his 7-year-old brother, who was recovering from Rheumatic fever, were sent to California (from Ohio) because Diane's uncle needed to be in the warm, dry weather. The story is that Diane's fraternal grandparents were too complicated in their businesses to accompany their young sons. They trusted Diane's uncle to raise his brother and enlisted the part-time aid of an aunt and uncle who lived in the area.

3. One of Diane's grandmother's brothers became a widower as a young man. He had three amazing children. As the story goes he met and married a woman who did not want to raise his children. In fear of losing his popular new wife he sent his son (9), and his daughters (7 & 5) to boarding school in other state. He raised his two young step-children.

There are other stories reflective of this way Diane's house treats its children. These are not stories of bad people, but rather of house values and choices that have particular ramifications and consequences for the members of Diane's family.

In this "storytelling process" our job is to search for themes and patterns of house beliefs, behaviors, attitudes and values. It is not our job to judge or draw conclusions. Stories are data to be used to enrich our understanding and make meaning of events, experiences, and relationships.

My friend Sam grew up in a house in which everybody took care of each other. The story is that if someone came by unexpectedly to visit at mealtime, his mother would naturally add more water to the soup or the stew and insist that there was plentifulness for everybody who was hungry.

Here are other examples of themes or patterns of relating or house values that may be well-known to you:

· Boys are given more educational advantages than girls;

· Family hopes and dreams are placed on the eldest son;

· One child is identified as the black sheep and is ostracized by or disowned from the family;

· One or more of the children is unbelievable to join the house business;

· We die early in our family;

· We are long livers in our family;

· Following your dreams or pursuing your passion is selfish and self-centered; and

· The list goes on and on.

What's your story? What themes and patterns influenced or affected your attitudes and beliefs? What house mythologies indeed or negatively work on your relationships?

Be very gentle as you trek, on this journey, resist being critical or judgmental.

Become aware of the strengths and weaknesses of popular house members and stay open to recognition and awareness that can deepen your perceive of yourself and your world. Good luck as you tour down this path of richness and courage.

Remember, only You can make it happen!

Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2005

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