Getting Married Soon? Five Key Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Say "I Do"

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After what was hopefully at least a 2-year courtship, you now find yourself engaged. You're excited and nervous as the big day approaches. You think you've got all the important questions asked and answered. Are the guests seated properly? Did we give the florist a deposit? Are all the relatives trip and lodging arrangements finalized? Has all been done that needs to be done? While these are all important questions, many habitancy fail to take the time to ask themselves key questions about how their life will turn after they say "I do." Here are five key questions to ask yourself before you say those two life-altering words.

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1) How do I expect my life to turn once I'm married? (Think it won't? Yikes!).

Everyone enters into a marriage with expectations about how the marriage will satisfy his or her needs. Problems arise when these expectations go unmet and feelings of disappointment start to seep into the emotional connection in the middle of the couple. At lot of times, this is due to one partner expecting the emotional connection to intensify and the other expecting things to stay as they have been. Therefore, it is very important that you openly talk with your partner about what you expect from the relationship, emotionally, financially, physically, and how you view your time to come together playing out. Failure to do so may lead the two of you down a bitter path culminating in divorce.

2) How happy am I with our travels straight through the four seasons? (And, I'm not talking about a casual roam straight through the lobby of a ritzy hotel!).

Well functioning relationships are able to survive difficult times and grow as the environment nearby them changes. Just as one needs to prepare for a harsh winter, a couple needs to devise a blueprint for how they are going to get straight through tough times. All couples taste situations that test their commitment to each other and their compatibility. This is why I wrote "at least a 2-year courtship" in the opening paragraph. When you first are dating, it's like summer-peaceful, calm, exciting, and warm. Then winter comes and things often get harder. No longer is one focusing on being on his or her best behavior and ones "baggage" surfaces. If you haven't experienced all four seasons of your partner to be, maybe you should push back the wedding date. If you have, what did you learn about yourself and your partner? Is your connection going to be like living in Los Angeles where the turn of seasons are hardly noticeable, or is it going to be like living in the Colorado Rockies? If the two of you are having wild emotional swings getting married isn't the answer.

3) Why am I getting married? (Because that's what I'm supposed to do?!)

Most of us know the fairy tale where the prince rescues the damsel in distress and they ride off into the sunset to a place called "Happily Ever After." Many of us think, in some way, that there is truth to this insipid tale. It has been my taste that rescue missions regularly end up with the rescuer getting his or her butt kicked, as the damsel is in distress due to her/his own choices, which can't be fixed by the rescuer. In our modern world, both men and women endeavor to rescue, just as both men and women can be a "damsel" in distress. Happily Ever After has a puny known subtitle, "Just as long as you work your butt off and are not trying to save anybody or hope to be rescued from yourself." Thus, make sure to write back this inquire as as a matter of fact as possible. And, ask your partner this inquire as well. If getting married has anyone to do with living out a fairy tale, you may want to reevaluate the situation.

4) Have you fallen in love? (If the write back is "Yes," have you gotten up?)

When asked why one is getting married, a coarse write back is "because I've fallen in love." To me, the word "falling" is associated with painful things. I fell down, I fell off the chair, or I fell off a cliff, to name a few. Whoever first coined the phrase "falling in love" knew what s/he were talking about. This wise man knew that with love comes pain. Within every successful connection there exists a healthy level of emotional pain that a couple uses to supplementary grow their relationship. Part of making a connection stand the test of time is to agree to work together to solve problems. Studying how to avoid hurting each other will lessen the chances that man will tumble and fall, causing both to suffer. Don't fall in love. Rather, build it together.

5) Who do I want to model my marriage after? (If it's the paid assassins Mr. And Mrs. Smith, things might get rough for a while).

Are your parents still married (were they ever)? The connection that our parents had affects us more than most of us want to admit. It is from their teachings and behaviors that we learned about how, or how not, partners are supposed to treat each other. If they were, and still are, great role models, ask them to tell you all that they have learned about marriage. If they weren't, still ask, but also seek out guidance from man whose marriage appears to be running smoothly (I say appear, as habitancy are great on putting a positive face on what is as a matter of fact a connection in trouble). In addition, I very suggest premarital counseling. Working with a therapist prior to getting married may prevent you from having to go to therapy to try and save the connection in the future.

Thus, having a well belief out and constructed blueprint for marriage is requisite for the success of the relationship. Make sure to ask yourself and your partner as many questions as inherent concerning expectations for the marriage. And remember, there is no substitute for hard work. So, get crackin'!

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