house Addiction rescue - Detachment With Love As a Tool For rescue
Detachment is a tool for house members' addiction recovery. It is also a therapeutic goal for house members in recovery. Detachment, in an addiction context, means letting go of efforts to operate or take responsibility for the addict.
house Addiction rescue - Detachment With Love As a Tool For rescue
Alcohol/drug addiction not only has a typical progression for the individual, there is a progression to the house dynamics of addiction as well. As addiction progresses, the addict becomes more and more disabled by the addiction. In this progression, house members feel compelled to take on increasingly more of the addict's roles and responsibilities. They often take on the job of "parenting" the adult addict.
Family members, trying so desperately to fix the problem, often feel like they have lost themselves in the process or have become man that they never wanted to be. They contact a wide range of necessary emotional and thinking health symptoms in the process.
The addict feels compelled to continue to the use the chemical in the face of negative consequences. house members are similarly "compelled". They search for man that they love losing operate over his/her life. They feel that the "must" do something to preclude it from happening or to fix it. This enforcement to take operate is a typical part of the house dynamics of addiction. In a house system, this shift in responsibilities marks a pathological adjustment to the behavioral, emotional, relationship, spiritual, and corporal changes of the addict as s/he progresses in his/her addiction.
As the addict continues to decline, the theory incorporates the addict's changes into the structure and function of that system. house members, in their attempts to solve the problems of the addiction, try cheap qoute solving behaviors that do not work on addiction. Their efforts to solve those problems amount to adjusting to the pathology of the addiction in a way that tends to mouth the dysfunction. These qoute solving efforts are labeled "enabling" because they enable the addict to continue his/her drinking/using behavior by removing the "natural, negative consequences" of that behavior.
This does not mean that house members cause the addiction. Nor are they responsible for the addict remaining in the addiction. The house member is not responsible for an additional one person's disease or saving from it. Yet in the disease, the house member becomes hopelessly entangled in the destructive house dynamics of addiction.
In order for house members to recover their health and operate over their own lives, they must cut off with love from the addict. It helps house members to understand how their enforcement to fix the addict, helps perpetuate the problem, rather than solving those problems. The attempts of house members to "fix" the problems are viewed by the addict as "control".
In obsessing about the addict, house members lose themselves in the process. house members often enumerate not knowing what they are feeling. They often examine their own sanity, especially in a struggle to find out "the truth" about a suspected lie.
Family members often find themselves locked in a cycle of obsessing about the addict's behavior, emotionally reacting, and compulsively attempting to make them change. house members are obvious that they know what is best for the addict, or what they need to do, to solve the problem. They spend emotionally in their solutions and feel compelled to enforce those solutions on the addict. house members continue the same qoute solving behavior despite evidence that it is not working. No other possible solutions are considered; largely because house members are so invested in their solutions that they cannot dream that there could be an additional one way.
Detachment is a tool that helps break that pattern. Detachment does not have to involve anger. Detachment with love does not involve a hostile resignation of love or support. It does not involve a hopeless or desperate acceptance of the unacceptable.
Detachment with love is about mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically letting go of unhealthy entanglements with an additional one person's life and responsibilities. Detachment with love involves letting go of problems that are not yours to solve. In house addiction, this detachment is about relinquishing responsibility over that which you have no authority and no power. It implies taking responsibility for one's own issues, feelings, behaviors, and happiness. Detachment with loves means to stop removing the natural negative consequences of the addict's behavior and to allow them to suffer those consequences.
Detachment with love allows house members to take better care of self. By detaching with love, you free yourself up to "care about" the addict, instead of "taking care of" them. For the house in recovery, "detachment with love" means letting go of the enforcement to be responsible for the addict. It allows a house member to return to being the man s/he was before s/he became man else in the process of trying to take responsibility for the addict's addiction.
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