Help - My Child is Cutting
School counselors are often the first adults to eye or be informed of an teenage cutting him or herself. Kids don't readily plop down in front of a counselor and share their story. Often, they are talking about something else and an observant counselor sees it, asks about it and the story begrudgingly comes out. Kids article other kids to the counselor because they are, despite the prevalent idea about teenagers, compassionate, caring individuals with the best intentions. Teachers, during an activity moving scissors or other sharp objects, eye behavior and article it to a school counselor. Kids have been found in school with pencil erasers, paper clips, protection pins and even razor blades as cutting utensils.
Help - My Child is Cutting
Kids come up with splendid explanations as to how they were cut. The most common explanation of how a child's arm was cut is the celebrated "cat scratch" excuse. Since cutters tend to be girls more often than boys, the cat lover explanation is usually bought. However, it is a give away when the cat seems to only scratch a someone on one arm. When a child is right handed, cuts and scratches will be on the left arm and if left handed, the right arm. Obviously, a cat when clawing does what ever it takes to get away. Cutting can also take the form of writing on one's hand or arm to the point of breaking the skin. Going over the same words or pictures until the skin bleeds is a form of cutting. Kids will argue that it was an accident. Maybe it was, but it is extremely doubtful. A non-cutter, when feeling pain, does not ordinarily like the feeling and will stop. A cutter finds relief from the pain and therefore continues.
It is a school counselor's accountability to warn parents when self-injury is discovered. Ethically, harm to self requires reporting to a parent or other responsible adult. Adolescents do not want it reported to their parents. Teenagers have a poor comprehension of their parents' emotions. They assume their parents will yell at them, ground them and be mad at them. What they are nothing else but feeling, but are unable to put into words, is that they will disappoint their parents. Often self injury comes from perfectionist tendencies and cutting flaws the exquisite image of being able to hold it all together. Rather than freak out or demonstrate negative emotion, cutters express emotion through hurting themselves. The issue of energy either emotional or physical, comes out. Kids don't understand that parents ground their children for staying out past curfew or not taking out the trash. They don't ground their children for being in pain and handling stress in an unhealthy way.
Unfortunately, the literature and investigate argue that abuse and/or neglect are responsible for the cutting behavior. Blame seems to fall on the parent. However, in notifying parents of their child cutting, it is not as straightforward as sexual or verbal abuse. While Maybe a teenager has become complicated with an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, it must be disheartening as a parent to be told this devastating information, go to find out more and eye that the surmise is bad parenting. Most parents blame themselves for so much and feel guilt for every miniature mistake they perceive in their parenting. While there are some parents who do not take the issue of cutting or self-mutilation seriously, most are shocked, worried and scrambling for help. Rather than look at abuse from parents, abuse from friends is a more common culprit. Not fitting in, being ostracized, and continuously insulted and/or bullied can contribute to the stress that leads to cutting. Low self-esteem can be attributed to the desire to cut one's body. If a someone doesn't value the self, he or she might not value the body as part of that self. Someone else observation for the cutting behavior is that kids cut in order to safe parents. Rather than burdening their parents with their troubles, they exertion to deal with the problems themselves. Developmentally, it is hard for kids to perceive that parents are emotionally stronger and more capable of taking care of teenagers than teenagers are capable of taking care of themselves.
Because some kids cut off themselves from adults, cutting can also be somewhat contagious. One teenage is doing it and it seems to be working. Teens propose the formula to one Someone else as a viable selection for handling teenage stress, which by the way, is in fact more stress than what parents experienced as teenagers. The amount of facts and media bombarding kids is overwhelming. However, the chicken or the egg syndrome is a interrogate when it comes to the issue of cutting be contagious. Kids tend to gravitate toward other kids who are like them. Maybe they have similar interests, but more often than not, teens sense Someone else pained soul and gravitate toward that mutual comprehension of pain. By spending time together, they design shared interests in clothing, music, opinions, and unfortunately stress relievers. Seeing a soul mate in one's pain is very comforting, even if the soul mate is not a healthy influence.
As a parent of a cutter the first order of business is getting counseling set up for your child. Health insurance, while helpful is not necessary. There are community mental Health agencies that do free counseling or charge what parents can afford. However, the level of care is diminished by the workload of the counselors and the employment turnover rate of these agencies. Inexpressive Health assurance or paying out of pocket gives parents more control over the ability of the counseling agency. Consider and discuss with your child either a male or female would be preferred. It is not uncommon for children to refuse to go to a counselor or refuse to partake once there. Do not allow your child to be in charge of the situation and convince you that it is unnecessary or unhelpful. Children do not have the life perceive or self-knowledge to know if counseling is working. Kids judge counseling based on either they like the someone and the level of ache felt during the session.
The next step to enhancing your child's mental Health is to get in your child's business. Children will argue, interrogate and become outraged when they are not given privacy. Kids do deserve privacy, but privacy is set on a continuum and is a privilege. Privacy is earned when there is no surmise to interrogate that something unhealthy or perilous is being hidden. Getting into your child's business does not have to be a battle. Parents can find out by being interested in a teen's world. Sharing music, moving friends to come over, encouraging and enticing them in a common area of the house rather than a remote bedroom behind a closed door are all ways of getting information.
Listening once a teen starts occasion up is very important. The rule of thumb on listening is to keep your mouth closed. As citizen process information, that facts triggers thoughts, memories and ideas they want to share. By sharing those thoughts and memories, listening stops and talking begins. Suddenly the conversation is not about the teenager, but rather about the parent telling a zoned out, eye rolling teen about what it was like back in the day! Do what it takes to keep listening.
Monitor your facial expressions as your child is talking. Disapproval can be very apparent and shut a kid down when it is positive that what is being shared is being judged. Keep a neutral expression, nod that you understand what is being said. Nodding does not mean you agree, it means it was heard and comprehended. Summarize what was said to make sure you understand. Don't debate, argue or put negative value on the feelings being expressed.
The most leading step in helping your child heal from cutting is to show affection. It is natural to cuddle, snuggle, kiss and hold babies and young children. As children get older and become more independent, affection tends to decrease even though the need and desire for affection does not. Opportunities to show affection to a teenager contain getting under their covers when they are in bed at night or in the morning to cuddle, running fingers through their hair, giving back scratches and back rubs while lounging in front of the television. There are many expressions of love for a teen. Don't let size and perceived maturity fool you!
The most sufficient expression of love for a child comes in the form of a compliment. Compliments demonstrate appreciation and complimenting your child to a friend within their hearing is the best compliment of all. It tells a child that you are proud of them and want to brag about them to your friends.
Once your child has shown enlarge and decreased or stopped the cutting behavior, do not think that the issue has resolved itself. Your diligence and commitment to counseling, listening, moving and cuddling have in case,granted a protection net for healing. Continue to furnish these opportunities to nothing else but interact with you so that the old coping mechanism of cutting is no longer needed and repeated. Check your child's body for signs of cutting and be suspicious of sharp objects in their room. Do not allow these things to be in an unsupervised area.
Cutting is a emergency that families can survive. With studying and commitment, a new formula of coping can be found and your teen will begin expressing positive behaviors and gently characterize the happy kid you once knew.
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