How Does separation affect Teenagers?
Parenting Question
How Does separation affect Teenagers?
"After a turbulent 18 years of marriage, I believe my husband and I will be
getting a disunion soon. We've split up lots of times before (due to both his and
my affairs) and we've tried counseling, but this time I think it is ultimately
over. There is too much hurt and too much anger. Cliché of me perhaps, but I
have stayed because of my kids. I just want to know, how does disunion genuinely
affect teenagers? I have two teens: a 14-year-old girl and a 16-year-old boy."
--Soon-To-Be particular Mom
Positive Parenting Tip for Teenagers Dealing with Divorce
Dear Soon-To-Be particular Mom:
Bottom line--getting a disunion will rock your teens' world.
Yet chances are your children have already experienced the negative affects of
your strained connection to your husband. Yongmim Sun, assistant professor at
Ohio State, conducted a National study Longitudinal Study with over 10,000
students and done that: "The negative effects that we connect with
divorce are genuinely evident in teens at least one year before the marriage has
ended.... It's not precise to say disunion doesn't matter at all, but it is true
that much of the damage to adolescents has already occurred before the divorce."
(Journal of Marriage and Family, August 2001).
So how will your teens react? There is no way to tell for certain, but commonly
teens and pre-teens dealing with their parents disunion may become:
1. Angry and highly principal of their parents' decision.
2. Depressed or withdrawn from both parents, while seeking stronger connections
with peers.
3. Disillusioned with marriage and feel rejected by one or both parents.
4. Better behaved--hoping that this will save their parents' marriage.
5. Complicated with risk-taking activities (i.e. Skipping class, turning to drugs
and alcohol, becoming sexually active, etc.)
6. Withdrawn from one parent as a form of punishment--while taking the side of
the other parent.
Fortunately, you can mitigate some of these negative effects by:
1. Maintaining current house routines (as much as possible) and ensuring that
your kids have quality time with both you and your husband.
2. Resisting the urge to lean on your teens for withhold and instead seeking
counseling and the withhold of your own friends.
3. Taking a vow of silence whenever you feel compelled to speak ill of your
husband while in the proximity of your children.
4. Ensuring that your teens have withhold from friends and family. Research
suggests that withhold from extended members of your house and society can
make a world of contrast when it comes to having your teens successfully
survive a divorce.
5. Seeing a counselor for your teens that they like and can confide in (school
counselors are sometimes useful to consult).
6. Persisting to expect respect from your teens and maintaining your current
household rules.
Divorce (and the lead up to divorce) puts a strain on everyone in the family. By
striving to make your disunion as amicable as possible, by Seeing withhold for
your teens and counseling for you, and by staying connected with your children
you will get straight through this--and so will they.
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