Do you know about - Sexual Addiction - Help For the Sex Addict's Spouse - Part 5
California Counseling! Again, for I know. Ready to share new things that are useful. You and your friends.Can the spouse of a sex addict find help individually for the effects of the sexual addiction on their lives? Sure. Much of the time, however, it is the emergency of discovery of the acting out, or some other connected emergency that brings the sex addict and spouse into treatment. They commonly seek services at the same time, if the spouse gets help. Unfortunately, many times only the addict is treated.
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Although there are inpatient and inpatient medicine services, many sex addicts and their partners have a difficult time finding an thorough medicine provider. Couples may seek marriage counseling and no address the sexual addiction.
Possible reasons for this are varied, but couples often come to counseling with a variety of connection complaints that may not be immediately identifiable as sexual addiction. Addiction-related behavior or problems may be private intentionally or unintentionally from the therapist and the couple may not understand the connections between the sexual behavior and their other presenting problems. Additionally, many medicine providers have a normal lack of knowledge about sexual addiction. Sexual addiction demands treatment.
Once sexual addiction has been correctly diagnosed, the addict's whole one goal would be abstinence from the compulsive sexual behavior(s). A first step in achieving that goal is to define "abstinence". Although abstinence in drug addiction medicine is certainly defined, that is not necessarily the case with sexual addiction. A lifetime of abstinence is not commonly recommended, but medicine for sexual addiction will often involve unblemished sexual abstinence for a period of time (often 60-90 days), Spouses should be part of the discussions about definitions of abstinence and any expectations of abstinence within the marriage for any period of time. This is foremost because couples often assume that they agree on something when it has not even been discussed.
Treatment for the addict and co-addict would involve study about sexual addiction. The point of using all salvage resources available, (i.e., sex addicts anonymous (Saa), sexaholics anonymous (Sa), Co-Sa (co-dependents of sex addicts), group counseling, personel and couples counseling would be discussed. Therapists would also commonly make reading recommendations.
What kinds of issues would the spouse of an addict work on in counseling? Many spouses initially have the attitude that it is the addict only that has "the problem". But when you look at the devastation in your own life that is connected with the sex addiction, you begin to see not just the benefit of counseling but the point of it.
A line of communication begins, with aid in learning effective, non-acting out dialogue. Couples learn fair fighting and active listening skills. This assists in a more overall disclosure about the sexual compulsivity. The addict commonly feels some relief about getting the secrets out into the open. But both the addict and spouse commonly feel fantastic shame. Both may feel grief. The spouse or co-addict may grieve the loss of the fantasy marriage. The addict may feel grief over the loss of the addiction. The spouse inevitably feels betrayed and very angry. Painful issues are uncovered. Couples need good communication skills in order to talk about these painful experiences and feelings. Although the couple may be talking about these issues with each other, they may still be withdrawing and isolating from other house members and friends due to shame. Self esteem takes a hit in early salvage but commonly recovers while the process of salvage over time.
Couples commonly need help with rebuilding, not just the trust and intimacy in their lives, but with damage to infrastructure, like finances. Some of the negative consequences of sexual addiction are loss of job, financial devastation, and an arrest or other legal consequences (i.e., sexual harassment). These are issues that wish the processing of feelings, and question solving skills. Partners need help working through the emotional damage of the acting out, with working through hurt feelings and betrayal, rebuilding trust, and recovering a willingness to risk letting down their guard with each other.
The spouse needs therapeutic attention of his/her own. Treatment goals for the co-addict would probably involve a frank discussion of feelings about the acting out, with an estimation of the damage to the spouse from that acting out. Spouses often blame themselves for the acting out, believing that if they were pretty/handsome enough, smart enough, sexual enough, etc. That their spouse would not be acting out. They may feel guilty about not finding it earlier and/or not recognizing the question so that it could be solved.
The spouse commonly needs help with learning to let go of responsibility for the addict's recovery, to stop inappropriate caretaking or enabling, or to stop trying to operate the addict. The co-addict is assisted in empowering themselves to make decisions based on strengths rather than fear. Self-esteem is a focus of therapeutic attention.
Co-addicts often contemplate in the process of salvage that they had their own issues before the sexual addiction issues surfaced. Similarly, the addict commonly has the beginning of their sexual addiction before the marriage. A lot of co-addicts (and addicts) uncover addictions of other house members, and unresolved house of origin trauma, like childhood sexual abuse, bodily abuse, or neglect. These are issues that need to be addressed and treated in order to be able to truly be intimate in relationships.
Just as the addict needs to turn their core beliefs in recovery, the co-addict must turn some core beliefs about themselves and their own competence in recovery. As salvage continues, and time passes, the co-addict can at last procure the trust for their addicted spouse. This is not a short process, and the addict often gets frustrated, angry, and resentful when the spouse continues to bring up the past, and discuss and process negative feelings. Counseling helps facilitate this process with aid in talking about it and reminding the addict that it takes the spouse this long to work through those feelings.
The spouse's quality to procure trust for the sex addict is in part dependent upon their perception of addict's operation in honesty, consistency, dependability, and sensitivity to the co-addict's feelings. Identifying and working through one's own issues, along with growth self-esteem and self-confidence, helps facilitate the salvage of trust.
Other foremost therapeutic work of the spouse is improvement of a plan for how they would deal with relapse. Through their own hard work they learn to rule for themselves what they are willing to live with and what they are not. They learn to define and enunciate their lowest lines and to set boundaries about relapse accordingly. They learn to reject unacceptable behavior and take care of themselves. Co-addicts can learn to trust their own opinions and reality and make decisions thorough to being responsible for their own health, welfare, and happiness.
Treatment is not just for the addict. Even if the addict does not recover, the spouse can, if they are willing to do the work. Just divorcing the addict, commonly does not solve the question for the co-addict. Without work, the emotional baggage that you carry around from one connection to another just keeps getting heavier.
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