he said Avoiding the Breakdown of a connection at Christmas
Coping with marriage breakdown is difficult at any time of year, but the effects of house breakdown at Christmas seem even harder to bear! Yet for all the jollity and festivity that abound, it is, according to Metro.co.uk, followed by one of the busiest periods for divorce lawyers. It seems that all that time spent together is the last straw for a relationship which is already showing signs of strain.
Avoiding the Breakdown of a connection at Christmas
Separating Parents
The effects on children when parents detach are immense. They are quick to pick up on the tensions between warring parents, and it is the adults' responsibility to protect them, as far as possible, from the consequences of relationship breakdown. Anyone the state of affairs between Mum and Dad, they need to institution self-discipline in front of the children. And as I know, from personal caress when my children's father walked out on us one Christmas morning, that is not an easy option!
Children In divorce And Separation
Trying to avoid out-and-out war in front of your offspring is one thing, but they do need to know what's going on. For separating parents, it's often difficult to know what to say. Young children need to be told that mummies and daddies sometimes fall out just like their friends do at school. They may not like it, but put in easy terms like that, this is something they will understand. They need to know, too, that although their parents are separating, this will not influence Mummy's and Daddy's love for them.
Older children benefit from a easy statement from one or both parents to the effect that you're trying to find ways to resolve your problems. They, too, however, will need a great deal of reassurance - particularly when it comes to convincing them that they are not part of the problem. divorce from parent is often one of a child's many fears, and your stress should not be allowed to become theirs.
How To Avoid Stress At Christmas
How to avoid stress in difficult circumstances may be down to taking a few practical steps and construction on them. Your aim is to turn your attitude from one of pain, anger, hurt and self-pity, to one of quiet acceptance. It's all a request of how carefully you are to eliminate the stressful signs of relationship breakdown, whilst remaining honest about what's happening.
Practical Ways To Avoid Stress On Christmas Day
Learn to say no to situations that may be stressful to your relationship. If you usually have your in-laws round for the day, or go to them, tell them, nicely, that this year you want to do things differently and spend time alone as a family.
Alternatively, join troops with friends or family. Sharing the workload and the child discipline may help to take the focus off the signs of relationship breakdown that threaten to ruin your day. But make sure that you don't ruin your friends' day!
Have a easy Christmas in which you all appreciate that less is more. Financial pressures add to the conflict. Do you literally need to spend the earth to enjoy Christmas? Make up your minds to cut down on the cost of gifts and the quantity of food, and find other ways to make the day special.
Do something different. Tell the children you're going to make changes this year: have your main meal at lunchtime instead of evening (or vice versa); attend midnight mass together, or a Christmas day service; go for a long walk after lunch, and return to have tea colse to the fire.
Switch off the Tv, let your hair down, and play games with your family. The kids may grumble, to begin with; but finding Dad act out a charade depicting Harry Potter will soon prove to be more fun than endless Tv.
Cut down on the alcohol. Nothing is likely to fuel disagreement more than an excess of booze.
Long Term Solutions
Prioritise work / house relationships. Are long working hours taking their toll on your family? Ask yourself why you work? Is it to furnish for your family? Or is it for your own satisfaction? If the former, then ask yourself either the income / approved of living you furnish is bringing happiness to you and your family? Could you manage on less?
Unemployed? Take on voluntary work helping the homeless, the elderly, or those in drugs rehab. finding others less fortunate than yourself may turn your own perceptions.
Count your blessings. Those whose childhood was spent post Ww2 will remember the old adage with affection. Habitancy were materially less well-off; but, contentment, thankfulness, kindness and society spirit more than made up for what they lacked in other ways.
Dare to think differently. If you're suffering the consequences of relationship breakdown, why wait for it to be over when, with a small ingenuity, you could do things differently? Downsize to the country. Buy a small-holding. Or a Bed & morning meal business. Emigrate!
Laugh! Laughing relaxes everyone. However miserable you may be feeling inside, it's the best therapy around. Educate yourself to find the humour in every situation. Surround yourself with friends who laugh, and avoid those who moan.
Learn to see attractiveness not ugliness. Being grumpy old women, or men behaving badly, has become the mantra of our era. Avoid Tv programmes that bring out the worst in you and the rest of humanity. Teach yourself to appreciate beauty. Go to an art gallery. Read poetry. Look up to see the stunning effect of bare trees and sky. Look for the good in people. Bring to mind the things you once loved about your spouse.
When bad thoughts crowd in, turn them out with obvious ones. You can't naturally empty your mind of the hurtful things you and your spouse have said to one another. But you can refuse to give them houseroom by making obvious thoughts take up residence.
Go to an Alpha meeting. Learn about the meaning of life with other like-minded people.
When Christmas is over, go to enumerate or some other counselling assistance and try your best to make your marriage work. The effect on children when parents detach is more far-reaching than hitherto thought. As I said on a Bbc Radio 5 Live debate a few months ago, all relationships require work, commitment and dedication. Don't let your house be sacrificed because you didn't make an effort. They'll thank you for it in the long run.
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