updated blog post My Husband Won't Go to Marriage Counseling! How Can I Save My Marriage by Myself?
Are you facing a troubled marriage with a husband who won't go to counseling? If you are, then it may very well feel as if you are trying to save the marriage by yourself. While it is true that couples counseling is often seen as the last line of defense when a marriage is on the rocks, please rest assured that your marriage can be saved whether you go to counseling or not!
My Husband Won't Go to Marriage Counseling! How Can I Save My Marriage by Myself?
Traditional marriage counseling is used by some couples as a way to expand an already good marriage. For most however, it isn't something they even reconsider until the marriage is in trouble. You might be surprised to learn that marriage counseling as it is ordinarily practiced has a success rate of only about 20% in salvage troubled marriages. Often times marriage counseling can authentically weaken the marriage even further!
There are a variety of reasons for this failure of traditional counseling, but in most cases it is because this type of counseling works from a faulty model. It treats the incorporate as individuals rather than treating the marriage itself. The vast majority of marriage counselors are trained primarily in private therapy and authentically have very puny idea how to expand and save a troubled marriage. What typically happens is that the individuals learn personal coping skills and good communication, but this does very puny to help the marriage or solve the problems they face.
For this reason, don't worry too much if your husband doesn't wish to attend marriage counseling. With only a 20% success rate, you have other options available to you. Here are some very foremost steps you will need to take:
1. Regardless of how you may be feeling right now, it is imperative that you get out of your emotional state (hurt, jealousy, fear, anger etc) and put yourself in a calmer, more resourceful state.
2. Make a firm determine that you will give 100% of yourself to salvage your marriage, regardless of what your husband's endeavor is right now. After all, if you don't take the lead, then who is going to?
3. There are very specific things you need to do and say and very specific ways you need to behave that can convert the dynamics of your relationship, even if your husband isn't changing whatever at all. Remember, with every action, there is a reaction! You just need to take the right action.
Your marriage can still be saved regardless of whether you and your spouse attend counseling or not. Time however, is not on your side! The longer you wait to take action, the worse things will get and the lesser your odds of salvage the marriage.
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